Why can’t I just cut that last string and let it all go. I don’t know why but I’m still holding on to that tiny bit of hope. I can’t wait til I finally let it go. I’ve come so close to letting it fly away but I just can’t let it go completely. Something inside won’t let me.
Like holy shit ever since I bought my ticket all I’ve been listening to is Dubstep/House/Electro/Hardstyle just EDM all dayy every day. I had stopped for a while cause I was hella sad I couldn’t afford to go to EDC with literally ALL my closest friends. I’m sooo happy I was able to get the money to go! Like this six day trip is honestly going to be something I remember for the rest of my life. I can’t wait, it’s insane.
And the best part? Being able to afford it all by myself and still pay rent and buy my own groceries and support myself :). I’m so proud of myself lately. I can be really good at beating myself up sometimes when things aren’t easy, but at the end of the day, I always make it, I always figure something out, and I am soooo proud of myself for that. I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time :).
So EDC 2012, in three weeks you will change my life, and that’s not even an exaggeration. LETS GOOOO!
Like maybe just the word California or Cali or maybe throw the state flag on there or maybe just the grizzly bear. I fucking love California, and while I may not have been born here, this is where I really grew up, where I matured, where I discovered the world, where my life has changed completely. If I ever do end up leaving Cali (I’m really starting to doubt it) it will always have a special place in my heart.
I <3 Cali
So you know I had to have a paper plane to celebrate!
This crack head just got butt ass naked and changed right next to me on the train and then asked me if she looked cute… Shit was terrifying.
Like they’ve done so much for me lately and helped me in so many different ways including borrowing money for rent when I lost a paycheck. They even said today they’d pay to get my wisdom teeth out because they hurt sooo bad when the last time I asked them they laughed at me and told me I’d have to do that myself. (250 a pop). It’s just crazy how much different things are and I’m really happy it’s getting better. Things still aren’t perfect and I still don’t feel exactly comfortable around them like I did when I was Mormon but I think it will just take some time. I can even talk to them about the fact that I drink and tell my mom that I can’t take the drug test for a job yet because I won’t pass without them freaking out. They obviously don’t like it and don’t approve but they don’t treat me like a piece of trash anymore.
It’s nice to have a family again.
They’re a couple and they’re all making plans and shit. Idk it just brang back some really good memories. It’s nice to be able to look at the positives of your past sometimes when it’s got such a huge dark shadow over it most of the time when I think about it. As much as I wish that year and a half didn’t happen sometimes, I’m really glad it did.
And I think that’s definitely a good thing.
Like just cause I wish I could wear some gold grills without being looked at funny hahahaha. Don’t judge me.